That's Life in US....

As the clock stuck 12, day has started rightly for our Indian Bachelor in US.....Its 12 in the night, thats when most of the indian bachelors in US start their work....

"Hi machi how r u doing?, Work is as boring as it can be da, and how about your work?. I can bet mine is the worst da :)...blah blah and it goes on for one more hour"....

For some reason, life in US for indian bachelors is strange, not all get into a routine 9 to 9 schedule, life only starts by 12 in the midnight (when one cannot say its the previous day's hang over or the next day's start over ;) )

And the last thing a guy in this time can tell is he is still single, man believe me he is having the worst time in his life right in front of him. To kill a person would be more easier now for him rather than killing time. Thanks to Buyukkokten (for those of you who dont know him, he found Orkut ;)), but for him guys here would really die. Searching for profiles in Orkut and saying "Hi h r u doin.....mind being my friend?, etc" can kill another 1 hour from his night life.....

So what next?. by this time its already 2 in the midnight....Some close friends or dear ones who he thinks are close ones 4 him...(Poor guy, the reality might be they might not even remember him once in a day ;) ), will be called to just say a Hi, when the person at the other end will be rushing to hang up the phone to say "Sorry yar i am busy right now talk 2 u later"....Ha Ha, can he believe that life can be so painful?. (Thanks to calling cards, they made his life cheaper atleast ;)).... At 3 in the early morning (i must stop calling it even mid night, its already almost dawn ;) ).....all that he can now do is go to youtube in search of some songs while in paralel he grabs a pack of chips and a soda. (chips and soda make a good Combo to make such a Dumbo an even more fatter Jumbo :D)....

Alarm now rings for the 20th time that fine morning and there are no more chances left out to snooze it again(Mobile manufacturers need to realize that snoozing for just 20 times is not enough for an IB in Us ;) who knows our hero might be working in one of those companies too ;)).....With no other option left out, he pulls himself out from his bed at 9 in the morning.....Its a good practice to daily look at something good in front of you daily in the morning.....right na????....So guess what?. for any Indian bachelor in US ( i am gonna use the nick IB in US from here on, Indian Bachelor in US .... :D), his laptop will be his 1st idol which he has to worship before he can even brush his teeth.....So mails flowing out of his inbox, & what next?. Its always a game where you daily need to decide whether to check ur parents mail or your in-laws mail (lols ;) FYI.... parents are your parent companies and inlaws are your client companies to whom you are sold ;) ) and as always both never go in hand with each other.....If for your parents, you are bad, then for your inlaws, you are the worst lols ; and the same applies for u too ;)...If ur parents can torture u, ur inlaws can screw u lols :D....).....

So by this time, the milk in the oven is already flowing out ...... (but no worries, this happens only at times, and for the rest, the milk would have become cold again ;))......so with a cup of coffee, the next one hour goes to read through all mails....

"Hey dude, wassup?. can u follow up with this issue by COB?."....."Hey machi, you need to call this tester and make sure he gives the steps to reproduce this issue....."....."hi, its time to close your appraisal, failing to do so will delay your peanuts......(Hikes;))......."

COB for those of you who are not from IT industries (even for some of u who are in this industry and use this daily without even knowing what it stands for ;)), is Closure of Business and our AIM will only be to really bring closure to business after seeing the peanuts that we get ha ha....Nice to laugh but painful to realize....

When its 11, with a tooth brush in side his mouth, his shaving razors in one hand (its a rule that u need to shave daily when u r working in ur client location otherwise no one will be able to identify u as all ur client engineers will be bearing a frenchie, :) now dont ask me why the rule for us alone then, thats how rules are here ;) )....and a Bluetooth headset around his ears, "yes Tony, u r right, the blade needs to be changed (for ur shave????lols;)) , oops i mean the cutting edge ends that we use in our design methodologies and the design patterns blah blah.......Why the hell should he open his mouth with so many accesories around him and then talk for the next 15 minutes to cover up his blunder?.ha ha.... Can't he put it in mute and complete his activities?. That's next, as his most important call for the day would have started when he is in his standing shower......So with the loudspeakers turned on in his phone, and the phone in perfect Mute mode, he can relax a bit to take his showers off.....(Man, is it not crazy to not even have enough time to take a peaceful bath?.)....

By the time he finishes the last spoon of his cereals (Corn flakes in india are known as Cereals in US ;))....., his roomie will now be shouting outside as he is already late to office.....Another curse for IBs in US will be that they cant afford a Car or a house seperately and have to pool around with whomever they meet.....(Who will give a car or a house for peanuts?????.....lols.... )

"Good morning james, hope ur day is good so far....." (What's so good about this morning when you people are here to kill me......This is what James might be thinking of our Hero ;)"....and its 11:30 in the morning when we reach office, so what next?.

Buyukkokten comes into picture again....;)....don't ask me when he went off the picture ;))....So 25 scraps from 23 unknown people......"Do i know u?."...."Who are you?."...."What do u want from me????"....etc will be some of the replies for his "Hi, can i be ur friend" kinda scraps which he tried last night.....So next one hour will go in thinking of new plans and strategies that need to be deployed in tonight's scrap attempts ;)....."IGoogle" is the next target, (This can better be renamed as "I Always Google" ;)....), what ever social networking tool that our hero uses, Google comes into picture.....(For those of you who dont know about IGoogle, its a Google gadgets home page where u can add all messengers that u need in the form of gadgets there by allowing u to chat freely without need for proxies :)......I am gonna be the official marketing person for them ;))....Our Hero has a dozen of friends online in GTalk who are eagerly waiting for updates from him.....(this list also contains dear people to our Hero who forget about him totally daily and he keeps reminding them every now and then using his calling cards lols ;) )....

Oops, Client meeting at 12 and status report is yet to be prepared.....Our Hero's Status report must actually contain....

"3 new clients (orkutans) successfully added to the client list, 4 proposals rejected (orkutans who r not intrested in u), 5 new proposals to be done (with new ideas that have come in today's brainstorming session.... lols ;))....and so on...."

but the status report will contain....

"3 CRs fixed, 4 CRs resolved, 5 CRs open blah blah....we are working really hard and pushing towards reaching Zero CRs by End of this week etc etc" (CRs are issues raised against defects in ur code, norms acceptable are 100 CRs per 100 Lines of code with each line containing not more than a semi colon and an If statement ha ha).....

Soon the Status Meeting starts & the most important & highly awaited event opens up...Guess what???? The Coffees are taken (lols,believe me, most of them in that hall would attend this meeting only for this event cause in most of the client sites, coffees are paid drinks ;) & for your information, Black Coffee is the only best alternative that you would get here to Black Tea ;), Again its the ironical comparison of ur parent's company to ur inlaw's company ha ha....) Half Asleep Hero keeps himself inside the game by every now andd then adding "Ya i agree...", "Oops, no that would be costly...", "Ya i will have to plan for staffing etc etc....".....There will be some one at offshore who will definitely hate this OC for many reasons among which his professional statements like "No Issues", "Not a prob" etc will be the top rated ones ha ha..... (I think the concerned person reading the last statement above must realize that its them lols ;) )....

Alas, task executed successfully, and a victorious OC (Onsite Coordinator) will now compose a big essay in the name of MOM (Minutes of the meeting which went on for hours, then why do people call it as minutes of meeting, should it not be hours of meetings?. ...lols....).....this one big MOM will fetch 100 peanuts more to our proud OC when his next appraisal comes ha ha.....This is what they call as working for Peanuts....;)

Our super hero will now remember that something is eating him up to tell him that he has to eat something up......Lunch?. Shit, thats something which he left behind in his dining table back in his room......What the hell can he do man?. A man all alone performing so many stunts when he gets ready to office needs to forget atleast his lunch right?????......(Now no one can dare to ask him why he slept so late in the night.......He is not to be blamed, he did sleep as early as possible in the morning atleast ha ha :D....

"Can i ask my roomie to drop me back at my room to bring my lunch back?. ".....he can only think of this, cause any roomie (including u or me ) will kick his A** if he wants us to take us back so far to just bring his box of maggi that this idiot cooked right from early morning 10:00 when the milk was paralelly flowing out from the over ;).....

Dooms day....Now comes the worst fact that our super hero will unveil immediately.... Getting a job in Google or Microsoft is easier than Being a Veggie in US ha ha.....What are the options that you can get in a restaurant here?. A burger for a veggie will be a burger with no meat but with Fish (Its a fact that no meat here does not mean no fish ha ha i dont really understand the meaning of this statement in this place ....:))....A garden burger is the technically fit term to be used by a Veggie IB in US which will fetch him a slice of cheesse, half a slice of onion and half a slice of tomato (No patties as patties have meat here) stuffed in between a so called bun.....with this garden burger, our hero has to move the rest of his noon session ha ha......(Trust me, u will definitely feel like getting horns if u eat such things here :D)....Just kidding, our hero is right back from his nutritious lunch.....

What next?????....Don't tell me "Buyukkokten Returns"...ha ha i will kill u man...."A small nap after a lunch has technically proven to have increased the work effiiciency of employees"....I dont know who provides our hero such facts, but he is already fully asleep comfortable lying on his desk with musical notes coming out of his poor laptop....(some one has to save his laptop by moving his hands out of it which are pressing the buttons unnecessarily, but what to do, these are the only times when our hero uses most of the keys in his laptop ha ha......)....

Tea time after a nap is the best option one can find out, and play time would be the next best option after tea time....Table Tennis pro and billiards champion..our super hero..( dont ask me how he can learn so many things..... if you are as jobless as he is, you would have won the Grand master Title by this time..ha ha ;)) gets into the ground....

After an hour's tough play, Second victory for the day comes across our super hero...He finally would have managed to win his opponent who would be a poor 1st time IB in US, but that's ok by practise its possible.....Probably if he follows our hero's foot steps, he might become a better hero in the near future ;)....(1st victory for those of you who forgot after reading such a big blog, was his MOM or rather MOH ;))....a proud indian after his victory returns back to his cubicle....

100's of mails from 1000's of consultants keep flowing into his inbox....."Sir, we were pleased to see ur profile in our job portal, we have this opening Blah Blah....etc etc"......All gates open for our hero but none allows him to go through them....:).....Either they ask him something that he does not know, or he tells them something that they do not want to know lols....Net is, another day passes by without success in his hunt to jump into an US company ;)....

Amidst these junk, some official ones do drop into his inbox....

"Important CR drive down, by EOD i need status on all these issues......Blah Blah Blah Blah..." This is not the 1st time it would have happened. its a medically,technically,scientifically (all lly's u wanna add can fit in here as an adjective ;)...) proven fact that for all IBs in US, the most important and critical task for his day would come to his desk only by EOD and the important thing would be that all of them would need closure also by EOD....ha ha"........

What will this poor guy do now?. Cruel in-laws asking a newly wed daugher - in - law to cook meal for the whole family when the fact is the gal knows only how to boil tea (even this, she knows only to prepare for max. 2 people, more than that proportions always go wrong ha ha, probably she might know how to prepare bread-butter-jam in a better way (Concerned Reader is gonna kill me :D))....:(....and parents in this case are really helpless as they have literally sold the gal to the inlaws :(....Hope by this time, u all understand the whole story behind this para ;)....

The only person who can help this poor guy is the super hero himself....

Even now, our proud IB in US will not be sulky, u know why????????.....his EOD is only by 3 in the early morning....ha ha so he has all his time in this world to take care of these important useless tasks ins his inbox.....

With not much of impact, mentally and physically the same Hero goes back home to grab a pack of chips and a soda and starts his work....

now don't ask me what's his work man, its the same...."Hey hi, i am so & so...., nice meeting u here, i found u in the singles community Blah Blah ....ha ha"....Hails to orkut which single handedly drives-in the lives & motivations of all Single IBs in US....ha ha.....

"And guess wat?. by this time u must have understood that our IB in US is a Proud single, Socially non-smoking, officially and unofficially non-Drinking, Ethically pure and divine Thair Sadham (Curd Rice as they say ;))......" ....ha ha, then how the hell can he kill his time in US, if not the way described above lols ;)....

Disclaimer: This blog is purely imaginary and just brought out as a Fairy tale for the enjoyement of my readers......and the term parents and inlaws r referred only to mean companies and not the actual relations ;) If my future inlaws get to read this post, i think i stand an even better chance of not winning their gal....ha ha.... (So those of you who are interested in giving a referal for me inside ur family pls dont take the risk of circulating this post within ur family ;), again concerened person must be aware that i am pointing to them in this last statement above ha ha....Guys, dont post comments asking me who r the concerned persons who come every now and then in this post lols ;) )

Thanks all for patiently going through my post....See u soon ;) (Now dont ask me if i spent my noon in office to bring out this post ha ha, but u r right :D....I wrote this Blog at one single stretch but edited it almost 12 times to correct the mistake in it ;)....Being a professional IB in US, what ever i type (Blogs or codings), i make a minimum of 100 errors per 100 lines of delivery ha ha....lols..........bye.....